I Can't Believe She is Wearing That Dress...

“It is not uncommon for people to spend their

whole life waiting to start living.”

~Eckhart Tolle

I just read this quote in another blog I read on fear.  A friend posted a comment on how often we go about commenting on others-- clothing... haircuts.... weight.... you know.  We all do it.  And I have been thinking a lot about just why we do that.  Why are we so quick to judge others as not good enough... Not pretty enough... Not slender enough...   We judge others decisions when we do not have all the information... How can we possibly know what went into another persons decision to leave a husband... A job... have a child- or not... Choose a spouse...

There was a time in my life when I could tell you exactly why a person did what they did.  I was arrogantly sure of myself.  I was unsufferably sure of myself.  I was a total ass if you want to know the truth.  I could dissect a person's motivations, choices, decisions in no time flat--and I was right.  (now that's a whole other topic for another blog--being "right")  Many decades later... I am more humble.  I have learned that it is impossible for me to fully grasp another person's motivation for the choices they make. More importantly, why bother?

Deciding what is good and what is not about another person's choices keeps us stuck in a place of fear.  It holds us back from truly living.  It helps create a sense of, "I'm ok... Because I'm not like them."  In other words, it fuels our sense of self, but in a negative way.  Rather than feeling self love for simply being, rather than accepting who we are in essence, our self image comes from a reflection of what others think of us.  We live in fear of "looking" stupid, uncool, not stylish... and so we point out how stupid, uncool, and not stylish others are to reassure ourselves that we are not that.

Wow.  Now that is a scary thought!  Imagine if I were only what other people thought of me?  Sort of a ridiculous concept when you think about it, isn't it?  AM I only what you think of me?  Am I only a conglomeration of my clothes... My hairstyle... My choice of husband... My house.... and YOUR opinion of these things???

God said to Moses... " I am that I am."   Am I any less?   I am that I am.  I am not these external things of the physical world.  I am more.  I am that I am.  My beingness just is.  My beingness certainly isn't what you think of me.  Why would I give you that much power over me?  Why let you choose who I am in the world?  My manner of dress, my choice of hairstyle, or my choice of where I shop is not me.  

Worrying about all of these external things keeps us from living.  It keeps us from making choices that truly would make us happy.  It keeps us from living the life we choose.  It keeps us stuck.  It keeps us from our innate state of joy. 

Be free-- free of judgment of others-- free of judgment of self.  We. Just. Are.  Be in a state of love.  When you let go of judgment of others and of self and feel that beingness of spirit... that "I am that I am," it will not matter what clothes a person is wearing, what make-up she chooses, what house he lives in.  It will not matter what choices you made in the past... that ridiculous hairstyle you sported in your teens, that loser you dated, that extra 20 pounds you carry around.  You are not these external things and the people around you are not these external things.

How freeing to just be.  How freeing to look at another and see love.  When we let go of seeing another person as his haircut, or the size of her house, we are free to interact with the world.  It expands our world.  It allows us to choose what inspires us, what brings us joy, free from the judgment of others.  Not that there won't be people out there judging you... but YOU are not the sum of their judgment.  I leave you with this thought, a quote from an aquaintance...  "other people's opinion of me, is none of my business." 

Stop waiting to live...

"Find a place inside where there's joy,

and the joy will burn out the pain."

 ~Joseph Campbell