Give 'em the finger!

Happy New Year one and all! Wow, what a year! I started this blog with the intention of helping my self live a healthier life by going public--if I have to confess my eating habits or exercise habits online, maybe I'll be more inclined to follow my own advice! Besides, I love to write and this gives me the opportunity to express myself in a manner I find very rewarding.

In terms of my physical health.... I WAS doing great until I moved down here.    A few months after I moved, I couldn't figure out why I was gaining weight, in particular around my waist. My eating habits are not radically different. I haven't been able to exercise as much since the foot surgery, but that has been getting better week by week and I am not exercising less these days, I am exercising more. So what gives? And then last night I had an epiphany.

I was talking to one of my new friends down here. She is a strong, self possessed, intelligent woman. I admire her. It started this way...I told her about an experience I had on Friday...

I was driving to the bank. At the entrance to the parking lot there was a long line of cars stopped. Why? Because two grown men, nicely dressed, older men, were out of their cars and BEATING ON EACH OTHER! It appeared to be road rage... Maybe one car back-ended the other, I'm not sure exactly what precipitated it, so I can only conjecture.   Regardless, two grown men were hitting each other and when one gave up and got back in his car, the other man was still beating on the car as it drove away. It was violent. It was really scary. I turned around and drove home, locked my doors and cried. I felt so vulnerable. I felt nauseous.

I thought, I cannot live this way. How can I dare to go anywhere when the threat of violence is so close to the surface. How can I go to the grocery store--the grocery store that has a police officer on duty 24/7... I'm told to keep me safe. But do I really want to shop where they HAVE to have a police officer to assure my safety? It was a horrible afternoon. I chose not to go to the movies with a couple of women who had asked me to go with them. I was to upset. My self talk went something like this... "How can I continue to live here? How can anyone? Do they all just ignore the danger lurking around every corner? Is everyone here totally numb to the threat of violence?". ...and on it went, spiraling down from there. I talked myself into feeling sick. I talked myself into a cocoon. I talked myself into being a victim.

And my friend pointed this out to me. In no uncertain terms. Am I going to let the terrorists win? Am I going to choose to live under a nice safe rock and only go to the grocery store when Joe can go with me? Will I continue to create a scary, violent world to live in by focusing on that alone? Well... no that is not what I want to do. But I don't want to die. I don't want to get beat up because I don't turn the corner fast enough in my car (I get honked at a lot for that down here). I don't want my purse snatched. Ahhhhhh... It is hard to give up the safety of my victimhood. It feels like the sane choice, staying stuck under the rock.

It isn't. I will chose to LIVE while I live in this crazy city. I need to reclaim my power. There really isn't any other choice. And when things are scary, I will remember Terry's advice, "give them the finger and drive away!". So back to my epiphany having to do with this new flat tire I am carrying around my waist. There is a definite correlation between stress and weight gain--it has to do with cortisol and hormones and the fight or flight response. In order to get healthy, I need to get my stress level down. In order to do that, I need to stop being a victim and reclaim my power. So. Here are my resolutions.

• I resolve to meditate five days a week.
• I resolve to go to the gym each morning before Joe goes to work.
• I resolve to go to the park to walk or run a couple times a week-with pepper spray in hand... but still, I'll be there!

AND...

• I resolve to "GIVE 'EM THE FINGER!"