I Can't Believe She is Wearing That Dress...

“It is not uncommon for people to spend their

whole life waiting to start living.”

~Eckhart Tolle

I just read this quote in another blog I read on fear.  A friend posted a comment on how often we go about commenting on others-- clothing... haircuts.... weight.... you know.  We all do it.  And I have been thinking a lot about just why we do that.  Why are we so quick to judge others as not good enough... Not pretty enough... Not slender enough...   We judge others decisions when we do not have all the information... How can we possibly know what went into another persons decision to leave a husband... A job... have a child- or not... Choose a spouse...

There was a time in my life when I could tell you exactly why a person did what they did.  I was arrogantly sure of myself.  I was unsufferably sure of myself.  I was a total ass if you want to know the truth.  I could dissect a person's motivations, choices, decisions in no time flat--and I was right.  (now that's a whole other topic for another blog--being "right")  Many decades later... I am more humble.  I have learned that it is impossible for me to fully grasp another person's motivation for the choices they make. More importantly, why bother?

Deciding what is good and what is not about another person's choices keeps us stuck in a place of fear.  It holds us back from truly living.  It helps create a sense of, "I'm ok... Because I'm not like them."  In other words, it fuels our sense of self, but in a negative way.  Rather than feeling self love for simply being, rather than accepting who we are in essence, our self image comes from a reflection of what others think of us.  We live in fear of "looking" stupid, uncool, not stylish... and so we point out how stupid, uncool, and not stylish others are to reassure ourselves that we are not that.

Wow.  Now that is a scary thought!  Imagine if I were only what other people thought of me?  Sort of a ridiculous concept when you think about it, isn't it?  AM I only what you think of me?  Am I only a conglomeration of my clothes... My hairstyle... My choice of husband... My house.... and YOUR opinion of these things???

God said to Moses... " I am that I am."   Am I any less?   I am that I am.  I am not these external things of the physical world.  I am more.  I am that I am.  My beingness just is.  My beingness certainly isn't what you think of me.  Why would I give you that much power over me?  Why let you choose who I am in the world?  My manner of dress, my choice of hairstyle, or my choice of where I shop is not me.  

Worrying about all of these external things keeps us from living.  It keeps us from making choices that truly would make us happy.  It keeps us from living the life we choose.  It keeps us stuck.  It keeps us from our innate state of joy. 

Be free-- free of judgment of others-- free of judgment of self.  We. Just. Are.  Be in a state of love.  When you let go of judgment of others and of self and feel that beingness of spirit... that "I am that I am," it will not matter what clothes a person is wearing, what make-up she chooses, what house he lives in.  It will not matter what choices you made in the past... that ridiculous hairstyle you sported in your teens, that loser you dated, that extra 20 pounds you carry around.  You are not these external things and the people around you are not these external things.

How freeing to just be.  How freeing to look at another and see love.  When we let go of seeing another person as his haircut, or the size of her house, we are free to interact with the world.  It expands our world.  It allows us to choose what inspires us, what brings us joy, free from the judgment of others.  Not that there won't be people out there judging you... but YOU are not the sum of their judgment.  I leave you with this thought, a quote from an aquaintance...  "other people's opinion of me, is none of my business." 

Stop waiting to live...

"Find a place inside where there's joy,

and the joy will burn out the pain."

 ~Joseph Campbell

Insanity!!!!!

"Insanity:  doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

~Albert Einstein

I had a serious "ah-ha!" Moment recently.  I realized how many times in the past few years I have gotten serious about losing weight... For a few weeks or months... And then gone back to my old habits of eating.... Hmmmm... Notice anything?  Like that I still weigh the same?????   

It is time for me to do something different-- I need new habits!  I keep changing my habits for a short while...lose some weight... Then go back to my usual way of eating and gain it ALL BACK!  This is getting ridiculous!!!!!!!

I am going to recommend a wonderful book I read this year.  It is called, The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy.  He talks a lot about how changing one little habit can have a HUGE impact over time.  So I am going to apply this to my eating habits.  

Here is the example Darren Hardy used:

A guy decides to cut out 125 calories a day.  He does this for 31 months, which equals 940 days. 

940 days X 125 calories = 117,500 calories

117,500 calories divided by 3500 calories per pound = 33.5 pounds! 

33.5 pounds all from something as painless and easy as cutting out 125 calories a day!  No fancy diets or counting calories, just changing a small habit--maybe cutting out soda, or halving the amount 
of cereal in the morning... Nothing huge.  Hmmm... The trick is, as I see it, is to make the small changes and stick with them.  So I have to focus on it long enough for it to go from an aware choice, to an unconscious habit.  

So.... I am becoming aware of eating less.  I noticed at Thanksgiving, that a couple of people who have lost quite a bit of weight recently, chose the same foods I did... But half the quantity!!!  Imagine that?  It was like a light bulb going off in my head as I thought about it.  Enjoy the foods I love at a special holiday... But eat less of them!  What a novel idea!!!!

It is time to pull out the signs!  I need some intense reminders!  

"Would you rather eat that or be skinny?"  

"Did you go to the gym today?"  

"Eat carrots not cookies! "  

"Would you rather gain a pound or lose a pound?"

If you come over for dinner... Don't laugh at my signs-- they help me to develop focus!

I did not learn to be disciplined growing up--no excuses though, I am an adult now.  If I want to be disciplined, I have to choose to focus on it.  Hence... Notes in my kitchen... Gym dates in my calendar.... Apps on my phone to track what I eat.  (My favorite is: www.myfitnesspal.com )

It is time to stop the insanity!!!

Care to join me?

Grab That Love Handle!

OK.  New thought.  I had an "Ah-Ha" moment the other day when I was dressing to go out for the evening...

I spend so much time, expend so much energy, on choosing the right clothes to hide the fat I am unhappy with.  I make sure the shirt is not too tight... the skirt is not too clingy to my backside... I wear a sweater or jacket to cover up... Dark on the bottom... light on the top... more slimming... or try to hide it all with just plain black...

...But just make sure it doesn't show!!!  Whew!  That takes a lot of energy.  Not acknowledging our fat keeps us in denial.  When you try on clothes and look in the mirror, are you aware of standing straighter than you normally do?  Of really perfect posture?  Or of sucking in your gut as you take in a side view?  Squaring your shoulders?  If you take a minute to think about it--you know you are not going to walk around with your belly sucked in to your rib cage all day.  Not happening.  You know you are not going to stand perfectly straight all day with no slouching.  When we do this we are denying what we really look like and the amount of fat we are carrying around.  We are pretending we do not have that roll of fat... we do not have thunder thighs... but whether we admit it to ourselves or not... it is still there. 

You want to lose that belly roll?  I suggest you grab it every time you sit down and say "Hi!" to it.  When you get dressed in the morning- stand in front of the mirror without sucking in your stomach and look at how you truly look in your clothes. 

Do not make disparaging comments.  This is your miraculous body after all-- it is allowing you to live and breathe and walk around.  Just acknowledge and make a positive statement about where you are going with your health.  For instance, "Today I am going to choose to release some fat."  or  "I am on the road to a healthier body." 

So grab that love handle.... look closely at that derrière... grab those wiggly underarm swags... (my term!) and acknowledge them.  Get familiar with them personally.  We will not make any lasting changes without truly accepting where we are at right this minute.  It will be much harder to overeat or choose the wrong thing to eat if in the morning when I am getting dressed, I take that hand mirror and really look at those thighs -or grab that belly roll when I sit down and acknowledge it. 

Good-bye belly roll!

I see you, I acknowledge you

--and now I release you!!!

162 and counting...

Ok.  This is it.  This is my 102 day count down to getting married.  Getting married is a way bigger commitment than I am about to make... So why have I been hesitating to put this other commitment in writing????  Because I am afraid I will fail!!!!  That's why!  I haven't been particularly successful  yet.... Of course I haven't committed to it wholly yet either....

Oh... Are you wondering what I am talking about?  Losing ten pounds before the wedding, that's what!

I believe this is harder for someone like me.  I eat a healthy diet.  I don't eat fast food.  I don't snack on pretzels and candy bars.  I do exercise.  I eat tons of veggies.  I am a woman over fifty--so I have hormones-gone-crazy. 

I don't have fifty pounds to lose, just ten or fifteen--I would be delighted with ten!  It's not like I can give up snacking and voila!  Ten pounds melts away!  Or start exercising and poof!  There goes that flabby middle.

No, I need to rethink portions.

I need to vamp up my exercise.

And... I need to start now!!!!  

Every day, I have the opportunity to choose differently.  And so far... everyday I have not made the choice.  Days slip by, unobtrusive... and nothing is noticed... nothing changes... it is the easy path. Why do I choose the easy path which does not get me to my goal?

Maybe the goal is too big, and the action steps too fuzzy.  Maybe I haven't asked for support, out of embarrassment or self-consciousness.  Time to change that.

This is me.  All 162 pounds! 

 

And I am asking for your support!  It can be in the form of sending positive messages.... or mental thoughts.... or not offering cookies when you see me!  I tried my wedding dress on... yup--definitely will look better sans 10 pounds!!!!

I pushed the RESET button today-- I started a five day sugar cleanse!   I will let you know how I did after the five days!

Are you hiding behind those same old resolutions again...?

Have you ever been in that place where you you've made an announcement... Like " I'm going to lose 10 pounds" and then not followed through?  Have you ever complained about your job and insisted it was time to make a change, and then stayed put?  Have you ever made a New Years resolution?

I've been thinking about how sometimes, our intentions, goals, vision boards may in fact hold us back.  When we don't follow through, a small part of our attention stays stuck in that place--the place where we feel we failed.  We walk around a little embarrassed, wondering if people remember we said we were going to lose those 10 pounds by now... And haven't done it.

We don't pick ourselves up and start over.  We burrow a little deeper inside of ourselves, we get a bit more stuck, we become a bit less engaged.  Over time, these pile up and by the time we are middle age so many of us live a life of resigned acceptance that we aren't going to have the life we want.  That this is all there is.

Well poop.  Shake off that mantle and shake things up!  So what if you didn't lose those 10 pounds, look for a new job or learn to play the piano.... Start today!  Yes, you have to admit you didn't do it when you said you would.  Yes, some people will say, "oh there she (he) goes again," --and who cares what anyone else thinks?  They will likely still be sitting on their duff complaining about others next year too --do you really care?  And do YOU want to be one of those people?

Just like music swells....then gets quiet... Then gets loud and fast and crescendos... your life is like that too.  Go with it.  There will always be ups and downs.

Remember all of the famous people that have failed....

• Oprah was fired from one of her first jobs because she was unfit for TV!
• Walt Disney was told a mouse would never work... --right.
• J.K. Rowling was on welfare.
• Jerry Seinfeld was booed off the stage his first time at a comedy club.
• Stephen King received 30 rejections for "Carrie."

Can you imagine NO Stephen King novels?  NO Oprah?  NO Mickey Mouse???  Of course not.  The only difference between you and any of these people, is they didn't give up.  They didn't turn inward. They got back on the horse.

  A friend gave me a quote to hang on my wall a while back.  It said:

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, 

but anybody can start today and make a new ending."

I love that thought, because it gives any of us hope!  It reminds us we ALWAYS have choices.

So, did you say again that this year you would lose that 10 pounds?  Make this the year you change your behavior... You choose healthier food, you choose to exercise, you choose to live healthier!

The only one in your way.... Is you!

Who are you??? Really... Who are you??????

"If we can get to the place where we show up as our genuine selves and let each other see who we really are, the awe-inspiring ripple effect will change the world."

—  Terrie M. Williams

 

 

I have been thinking about this a lot lately.  After all I have been through over the past two years, I think that our emotional life impacts our physical life.  Our ability to be true to ourselves has far reaching impact--from our health to our relationships to our day to day activities.

 

 

What are we so afraid of anyway?  What is it that causes us to spin a cocoon around ourselves and peek out.  Somehow we grow up so concerned with how others see us that it impacts our every action.  And why I have to ask?  What is the big, bad evil thing that will happen if someone doesn't like what we say or how we dress or who we are talking to?  That is the big secret--there is no boogie monster.  There is no big, bad impact.  We wear heels and furs in our little town and someone says "what, you think your in NYC?"   ...SO WHAT???   We need to learn that it is a reflection of them and not us.  We need to get to a place of acceptence of what is.  Not judgement, just acceptence. 

 

 

When we are able to be... simply be ourselves, we will attract those who love us for who we are.  It may be less in quantity, but I guarentee that it will be better in quality.  We will be more, do more and have more when we are genuinely our selves. 

 

As we get to this place where we accept ourselves, appreciate our bodies and love them, then we are able to move forward towards better health.  It is when our attention is on this cellulite or that wrinkle or this roll of fat and how ugly it is or how old we look that we stay stuck.  AND... I think that we focus other peoples attention on what our attention is on as well--exactly what we are trying not to do! 

 

When we walk through life confidently loving ourselves, we attract more authentic people to us.  We are focused outward and we are able to keep moving forward. 

A Journey of a Thousand steps...

Well, you know I have been striving to get healthier over the past year.   I had foot surgery in June of 2011 and it has been a battle ever since.  I put on 20 pounds over the course of the past year, I became weak, flabby, I had the proverbial "flat tire" around my middle... I was a mess!  I couldn't exercise at first--of course, I could barely walk.  But as time went by, my foot healed more slowly than the doctor had led me to believe it would, and then I had scar tissue to deal with--painful scar tissue that is, and then I dislocated my knee and then I developed severe and chronic back pain... and then...

Are you getting the picture?  Physically I was really a wreck.  I was in pain.  I couldn't do what I had been in the habit of doing--running.  I could barely move once the back pain started.  What I now realize, is how much all of this impacted me emotionally.  My self image was of myself as an athlete--  now bring it down a notch!  I am not talking Olympic... just your average, everyday sort of athlete.   One day I was running, then the next I could barely move.  So my self image suffered quite a blow....

I recently really got how much I had pulled into myself.  I was embarrassed about my unhealthy body, I had no self image to replace "runner" or "athlete."  I had moved to a new city and was in culture shock here.  It is hard to stick to a plan to lose weight-- which I became fixated on--when there is so much going on emotionally.  Rather than do what I would tell anyone else to do--focus on little steps and overall health, not "losing weight," I did the opposite.  I focused on how out of shape I was, which only fueled my poor self image, which further fueled my, "how can I look you in the eye and talk about health, when I am so obviously out of shape?"

Huh.  So I reiterate what I said when I first started this blog a year ago--and now I REALLY know what I am talking about.  You have to get to some kind of positive place about your body.  You have to focus on what you have, not what you don't have.  You have to focus on what you want, not on what you don't want.

Do you know what woke me up?  A book called "The Compound Effect" by Darren Hardy.  Actually it started when I heard him speak at the Usana Convention.  He talked about how a small action, repeated over and over, will have a big effect.  For instance, if you take only 125 calories out of your diet every day, in 27 months, you will lose 33 pounds!  My reaction to that bit of trivia?  Wowy-Zowie! I CAN DO THAT!!!!  It was like a slap in the head.  It woke me up.  It jazzed me.  It helped me to focus on a positive step--cut out 125 calories a day.  Easy-peasy.  And do you know what happened?  I put my attention on a goal instead of on my declining health and I got healthier!  So...

     When I put my attention on the goal,
     I lost a pound,
     as soon as I lost a pound,
     I felt better about myself,
     as soon as I felt better about myself,
     I put my attention back on the goal of getting healthier,
     as soon as I put my attention back on the goal of getting healthier...

I recommend his book to all of you.  I think it is applicable to life in general.  It is packed full of information about how to live a more effective, balanced, successful life.  (Success being how YOU define it)  Check it out at:  www.thecompoundeffect.com

I am happy to report that I have lost 9 pounds since convention.  I am going to the gym and using the elliptical and the weights.  I am focusing on what I do have not on what I don't have.  And it is working!   I can continue to tell people to focus on what they want and to take baby steps and now I really speak from experience.  I feel so much better about myself, my health and my self image.  I will have to redefine myself--not a runner, at least for the time being, but a canoer?  Kayaker?  Walker?  I am sure I will figure it out!

So the question I would ask is this... what positive aspect of your body can you focus on?  What goal do you have to put your attention on?

You have to look to where you want to BE

in order to get to where you want to go!